I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
