I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
