I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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