i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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