Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
