is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
ttyl tear gas
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize