And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
