Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Randomize
