Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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