mondays should just be called national damage control day
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
