Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
