i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
