drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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