Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
