It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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