The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
