I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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