so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
