why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
