I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
