called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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