fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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