Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
