He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize