his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I know her cup size but not her name....
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