dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
