im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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