you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
