yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
my poor anus
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
