So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize