your room smells of hookers.
And success
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
