The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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