I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
