ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
