So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
