: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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