Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
