She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
