Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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