he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
