ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
