You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
