You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
ttyl tear gas
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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