had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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