cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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