I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
