I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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