I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
