don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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