I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize