Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
