Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
