ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
