If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
