didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
