Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
4 words: hood of his car
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
