I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
