Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
