thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
