There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
home. puking in laundry basket.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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