you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
be right there i have to get my cape
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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