Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
