There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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