Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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