I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
