between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
