I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
