She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize