K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
