after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
