He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
