So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I am naked and annoyed.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
