Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
