I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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