Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
