my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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