This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
