Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
