I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
