Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
