Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
