Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
