I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
