I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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