Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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