I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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