I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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