Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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