I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
