she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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