It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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