pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
