I love black thongs
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
