Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
