Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
