At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
