Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
