We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
