It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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