Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
